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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Just shared via Threads:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Making waves on Reddit:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Just landed via Facebook:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

Shared recently on Discord:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

Shared recently on Instagram:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting science and humor with a playful jab at morons.

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Commentary:
When you mix too many morons, you end up with a critical mass of hilarity 🤦‍♂️🤣🔬

chemistry, electron, electrons, humor, joke, moron, neutron, neutrons, proton, protons, science, world

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58 shares on Reddit this month:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Going viral on WeChat:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Fries, not lies.

Shared recently on Facebook:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

Making waves on YouTube:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

Just landed via Facebook:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Live now on YouTube:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

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Activity Log ✨

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

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