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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,239

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Going viral on Slack:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Going viral on Threads:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Apparently, my therapist just graduated to genius levels! 🤣🧠💡

humor, intelligence, IQ, only, psychology, therapist, therapy, works

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Another Monday that no one asked for.

0

2 months ago

another, asked, frustration, humor, Monday, routine, sarcasm, workweek
If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

0

2 months ago

broke, confidence, deserve, humor, me, money, relationship, self-worth, value
Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

0

2 months ago

cheeseburger, ever, food, happiness, humor, joke, nobody, satisfaction, upset
My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

0

2 months ago

chaos, disarray, drawer, humor, junk, junk drawer, mind, randomness, someone, trampoline
The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

0

6 months ago

humor, just, me, midnight, money, night, night owl, online, online shopping, owl, real, shopping, shopping spree, spending, spree
Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

0

2 months ago

age, around, candy, childhood, cigarettes, humor, innocence, memory, nostalgia, smokers, thing, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

21 shares on Instagram this month:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

93 shares on Discord this month:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Trending via Telegram:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Going viral on Instagram:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Going viral on X:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Breaking via Pinterest:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Spotted on Instagram:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Just shared via Instagram:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Spotted on Facebook:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Breaking via Threads:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Another Monday that no one asked for.

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨