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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,244

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Spotted on Facebook:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Spotted on WeChat:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Breaking via TikTok:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Trending via Pinterest:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Just landed via Slack:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

Making waves on X:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

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There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.
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Commentary:
Ah, the classic case of opposites attracting! 🛏️💕 One person starts the day with military precision, while the other sees bed-making as optional decor. It's a match made in heaven – or at least in the bedroom! 😄 #OppositesAttract

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

12 shares on Messenger this month:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

51 shares on Discord this month:

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,333

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I love it when God gives me money.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Seen just now on Slack:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Spotted on Discord:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Going viral on YouTube:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Trending via Discord:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Trending via Telegram:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Breaking via YouTube:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

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