Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Watching a movie and using a laser pointer to indicate where my fellow viewers should be looking for an optimal viewing experience.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

428 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,697

Funny Quotes Topics

17,713

Funny Quotes Images

15,697

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,709

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Trending via TikTok:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Seen just now on Slack:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Spotted on Twitch:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

Just shared via Slack:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Just shared via Messenger:

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

There’s a certain nothing about you.

21 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
You're like a blank canvas, ready to be painted with potential! 🎨😄

certain, humor, insult, nothing, personality, sarcasm, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

2 months ago

change, clock, domestic, domestic life, ever, form, humor, kitchen, laziness, life, microwave, morning, robe, Sunday, Sunday morning, time, time travel, travel
Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

3 months ago

advice, aspirin, bottle, children, headache, humor, i, irony, just, keep, take
It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

2 months ago

actually, aging, aging humor, aging joke, anything, apathy, care, cynicism, energy, figure, humor, joke, just, life, life perspective, older, perspective, wisdom
The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

2 months ago

bullshit, grass, greener, humor, life, only, perspective, reality, side
The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

2 months ago

comedy, difference, good, heavy, hippo, humor, joke, lighter, little, night, punchline, thank, wordplay, zippo
At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

2 months ago

age, break, fear, heartbreak, hip, humor, life, priorities

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Telegram this month:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Seen just now on Threads:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Spotted on Threads:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Just landed via Instagram:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Going viral on WeChat:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Trending via WeChat:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There’s a certain nothing about you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨