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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Airbnb should have an option if you just want to use someone’s bathroom for a few minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,232

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Trending via Discord:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

Making waves on Slack:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Just landed via Telegram:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Seen just now on Slack:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Going viral on WeChat:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Making waves on Snapchat:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you mix up Ivy League with 'I Violate Laws' 🤦‍♂️🚔🎓"

going, guy, humor, irony, jail, joke, misunderstanding, prison, Yale

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

0

3 months ago

cause, communication, conversation, heavy, humor, just, listening, mhm, people, talking
Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

0

2 months ago

bad, democracy, fine, humor, irony, opinion, participation, people, politics, stupid, take, thing
My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

0

2 months ago

contradiction, expectations, household, humor, mom, parenting, rules, towel
There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

0

2 months ago

admin, authority, drunk, Facebook, group, humor, power, village
Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

0

5 months ago

enough, escape, health, humor, i, identity, mental, mental health, need, new, passport, self-improvement, therapy, travel
Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

0

2 months ago

elbow, elbows, etiquette, hypocrisy, old, old person, people, person, racism, racist, rude, say, social, social etiquette, something, table

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Twitch this month:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

67 shares on X this month:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

57 shares on X this month:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Just landed via Threads:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Spotted on YouTube:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Breaking via Discord:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

Seen just now on Reddit:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Making waves on Instagram:

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨