Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who do they think I am, a robot? 🤖💼 Apparently, they expect me to do more than just perfect my desk-sitting technique at work. How demanding! 😅 #WorkLife"

expectation, humor, irony, me, office, productivity, sarcasm, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

2 weeks ago

admin, admin duty, being, duty, fantasy, indiana, Indiana Jones, jones, professor
Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

2 days ago

enough, friends, humor, i, intervention, life, loneliness, luck, lucky, me, social, social life
I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

10 hours ago

celebrity, drama, end, enjoy, event, exaggeration, fashion, gala, humor, i, luxury, met, only, runway, satire, volcano
Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

2 weeks ago

back, change, home, joke, locks, out of town, Roomba, technology, town
Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

2 days ago

diagnose, doctor, doctors, future, humor, marriage, me, relationship, wife
At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

3 months ago

20, 30, adulthood, age, humor, i, just, life, transition, unstartable, unstoppable

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on X this month:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

Spotted on Facebook:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

Trending via Threads:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Making waves on Twitch:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Live now on Instagram:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Shared recently on Threads:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Just shared via YouTube:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They expect me to work at work.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨