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Commentary:
"Maybe they could create a 'Couch Potato Olympics' 🛋️🏅🥔 for us skill-challenged folks! Who needs talent and patience when you have a remote control and unlimited snacks? 😂"

activity, creativity, fun, hobby, invention, leisure, patience, people, should, skills

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

3 months ago

alarm, dust, early, humor, kid, me, needs, parenting, scream, today, wake, wake up
My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

2 months ago

anonymity, band, costume, favorite, humor, joke, mask, member, music, Slipknot
Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

2 months ago

celebrity, death, environment, humor, Kardashian, kim, Kim Kardashian, plastic, sea
Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

2 months ago

cry, expression, humor, money, sentiment, tear, wish
Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

2 months ago

breakfast, conversation, date, describe, food, food conversation, forget, humor, i, me, nice, sexy, sexy talk, slow, slow talk, talk, waffles, want
Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

2 months ago

humor, increase, Instagram, intelligence, IQ, media, social, social media, technology, uninstall

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

56 shares on Discord this month:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

84 shares on Twitch this month:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

90 shares on TikTok this month:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

31 shares on Slack this month:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Live now on Instagram:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Breaking via Reddit:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨