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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

18 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,287

Funny Quotes Topics

17,407

Funny Quotes Images

15,287

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,675

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Just landed via TikTok:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Going bananas on WeChat:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

Making waves on Facebook:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Breaking via Telegram:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Going viral on Messenger:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Mondays be doing overtime this week 😂☕ #MondayMadness

before, frustration, humor, Monday, never, repetition, weekday, workday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

0

4 months ago

email, funny phrase, head, hope, humor, i, phrase, wordplay
The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

0

2 months ago

adventure, exploration, humor, i, journey, know, shortcut, travel, words
‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

0

2 months ago

avocado, cancelling, excuse, favorite, home, i, plans, ripe
I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

0

2 months ago

date, dating, exclusivity, humor, joke, myself, relationship, self, self-love, working
Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

0

2 months ago

cheer, cheer up, encouragement, future, humor, irony, mistake, optimism
Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

0

2 months ago

action, favorite, humor, inaction, least, least favorite, procrastination, take, taking, thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Facebook this month:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Making waves on Reddit:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

Going bananas on Facebook:

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

Just landed via YouTube:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Broadcasted on Discord:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Just shared via Messenger:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Going viral on Reddit:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨