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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,939

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Just landed via Telegram:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Shared recently on Slack:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

Freshly posted on Threads:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Going viral on Facebook:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Protecting the tech like it’s their star-studded destiny 🌌🚀🔒

galaxy, guard, guardian, Guardian of the Galaxy, guards, humor, movie, movie reference, pun, reference, retail, retail security, samsung, Samsung store, security, security guard, store, superhero

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

0

2 months ago

always, cat, complaint, conversation, father, garden, humor, neighbor, okay, running, tell
“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

0

2 months ago

adventure, explain, explanation, gap, humor, i, interview, job, job interview, missing, national, national park, park, resume
Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

0

2 months ago

bad, face, humor, i, looks, pictures, self-deprecation, why
I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

0

2 months ago

expectations, food, humor, i, individuality, me, never, person, self-acceptance, serving, serving size, size, suggestion, wants
Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

0

2 months ago

contrast, fun, gangster, humor, irony, rainbow
Riding a bike is an insane concept. You just sit and run at the same time.

0

2 months ago

activity, bike, concept, exercise, fun, fun activity, humor, insane, insane concept, just, riding, run, same, sit, time, transportation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

82 shares on X this month:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

85 shares on X this month:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

98 shares on Discord this month:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Trending via Reddit:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Just shared via Telegram:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Spotted on Telegram:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Trending via Reddit:

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Shared recently on Slack:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Riding a bike is an insane concept. You just sit and run at the same time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨