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Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

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15,753

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Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Just landed via Discord:

Achieving AGI by reducing the intelligence of the average human rather than increasing the intelligence of AI.

Spotted on YouTube:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Just landed via Messenger:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Breaking via X:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Spotted on Messenger:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

2 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about feeling tough while admiring sunglasses in the mirror.

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Commentary:
"When you have to be home by 9 but look like you belong on a movie poster! 😎✨ #ThugLifeInTheMaking"

check, confidence, humor, i, life, mirror, myself, self-quote, sunglasses, thug, thug life, whisper

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28 shares on Telegram this month:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

83 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

62 shares on X this month:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

20 shares on Threads this month:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Making waves on Instagram:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Live now on Instagram:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Spreading quickly via X:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Shared recently on Messenger:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

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Activity Log ✨

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨