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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,581

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Live now on Reddit:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

There are too many neglected emojis.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Just landed via Slack:

Love low-hanging fruit. Easiest kind to obtain, in my opinion.

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Playful quote about holiday wrapping struggles with a humorous T-Rex comparison.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
'Tis the season to wrap gifts with the delicate touch of a T-Rex trying to thread a needle 🦖🎁 Don't worry, the struggle is real but the sentiment is what counts!

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on X this month:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

16 shares on Threads this month:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

12 shares on Threads this month:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,606

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Breaking via Telegram:

I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.

Just shared via Instagram:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Just shared via X:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Just landed via Slack:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Seen just now on Threads:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Spotted on Telegram:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

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