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'Tis the season to wrap gifts with the delicate touch of a T-Rex trying to thread a needle 🦖🎁 Don't worry, the struggle is real but the sentiment is what counts!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

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I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

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Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

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Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

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If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

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If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

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I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

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Shared recently on X:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Just landed via YouTube:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Just shared via WeChat:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Just shared via WeChat:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Spotted on Reddit:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Going viral on WeChat:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Just landed via Instagram:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

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‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

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If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

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Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

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I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

I hope my email finds you enraged.

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

I’m going to hell in every religion.

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‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

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