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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,595

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Trending via Snapchat:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Shared recently on Slack:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Spotted on Reddit:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Trending via Facebook:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Just shared via YouTube:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

2 months ago

0

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

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Commentary:
📚🎨 Do you long for some peace and quiet in this noisy world? Look no further than "The Art of Silence" by the enigmatic Chinese philosopher Shut-Up! Let the wisdom of silence speak volumes to your soul… or maybe just shush those chatty inner voices! 😉 #ShhWisely

art, book, Chinese, comedy, humor, philosopher, pun, recommendation, silence

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

0

2 months ago

bottle, celebration, chimney, day, eve, holiday, humor, leave, mom, mother’s, Mother’s Day, remember, tradition, wine
We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

0

2 months ago

drink, good, humor, irony, lying, lying down, man, moon, problem, put, relaxation, space, wine
At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

0

2 months ago

agree, agreement, amazing, bra, clothing, comfort, feeling, humor, least, men, relief, take, thing, women
Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

0

2 months ago

comedy, coping, disguise, due, emotions, hide, humor, laughter, pain, personal, personal reasons, reasons
Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

0

2 months ago

columns, confusion, data, difference, frustration, geek, geek humor, hate, humor, i, man, math, me, much, nothing, office, office humor, rows, tables
The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

0

2 months ago

activity, always, big, cool, cool thing, five, football, fun, fun activity, giving, high, high five, hobby, ideal, ideal man, man, multitasking, sports, thing, things, thinking, throwing, truck

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Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

66 shares on X this month:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

29 shares on Discord this month:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

11 shares on Discord this month:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,472

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

WhatsApp needs to remove that “this message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Breaking via Snapchat:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Making waves on Discord:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Trending via YouTube:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Just shared via Threads:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Shared recently on Threads:

Do y’all ever think about how, in Korean, you can’t scream over text because there’s no uppercase… I think about that all the time, for some reason.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

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