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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,507

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Spotted on Messenger:

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Trending via Reddit:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Just shared via Messenger:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Going viral on TikTok:

I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

Just shared via Discord:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Shared recently on X:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

1 month ago

Humorous text about hygiene and cleanliness, playfully suggesting toilets aren’t crime scenes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🚽💼 "Toilets are definitely not the scene of the crime! No need for CSI here, just clean up on Aisle 2!" 😄🧹

bathroom, cleanliness, crime, crime scene, humor, joke, scene, toilet, toilets, traces

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Discord this month:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

32 shares on X this month:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

83 shares on Discord this month:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

31 shares on Threads this month:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Trending via Instagram:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Going viral on Reddit:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Just landed via YouTube:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Trending via Instagram:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

Making waves on Messenger:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Trending via Reddit:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

January: the Monday of months.

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Keep the laugh going 😂

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

January: the Monday of months.

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨