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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,483

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Trending via Messenger:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Shared recently on Facebook:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Going viral on Telegram:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Just shared via Snapchat:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Live now on X:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like Twitter is the world's most eclectic group therapy session 😂🧠❤️

another, appreciate, appreciation, beauty, broken, community, fighter, fighters, lover, lovers, twisted, Twitter, used, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

0

2 months ago

boy, breakup, contact, contacts, delete, every, game, gone, hangman, humor, letter, name, names, relationship, revenge, time, upset
Might quit my job to focus on summer.

0

2 months ago

activity, decision, focus, fun, fun activity, humor, job, leisure, quit, quitting, summer
Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

0

2 months ago

beauty, body, body image, humor, image, inner, inner beauty, light, much, scale, self-reflection, standing, thinking, weight, wisdom
My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

0

3 weeks ago

AI, angel, app, apps, bad, bad luck, betting, distraction, generative, generative AI, guardian, guardian angel, happen, humor, letting, luck, me, sports, sports betting, technology, things, why
Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

0

2 months ago

being, body, confusion, experience, going, guess, health, hell, humor, three, times, trying, week, weekly, woman
I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

1

3 weeks ago

bedtime, bedtime story, conversation, humor, i, joke, lie, me, relationship, sex, story, tell

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

85 shares on Slack this month:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Dance like China isn’t watching.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Just landed via X:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

Freshly posted on Threads:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Shared recently on Threads:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Just landed via Telegram:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨