Trendy Funny Quotes

  • So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.
  • This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.
  • My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.
  • I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.
  • Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.
  • I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.