Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

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Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

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Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

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Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

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The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

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People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

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I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

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Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.