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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,370

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Live now on Threads:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

Spotted on Facebook:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Going viral on Slack:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Trending via Facebook:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Spotted on Instagram:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting how washing machine time feels longer than actual minutes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time warp alert! 🌀⏱️ My clothes just went on a journey to Narnia and back! 🧦👕

humor, laundry, machine, minute, minutes, regular, same, time, washing, washing machine

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

10 shares on Discord this month:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

A relationship is like a shark, it looks better on TV.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Breaking via Instagram:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

Trending via Threads:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Just shared via Instagram:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Trending via Discord:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Breaking via Instagram:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

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Activity Log ✨

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Keep the laugh going 😂

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨