Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.
  • My back and I are definitely not the same age.
  • I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.
  • There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.
  • My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.
  • White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.