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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,688

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Just shared via X:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Going viral on Discord:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Shared recently on X:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Just shared via Threads:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Live now on Facebook:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Shared recently on Discord:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

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Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.
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Commentary:
"Who says waking up has to be all serious and existential? 🌞 Embrace your 40s with open arms and a sense of humor – it's just a midlife disco nap!" 💃✨ #MidlifeAwakening #40sandFabulous

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

72 shares on Slack this month:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

66 shares on WeChat this month:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

61 shares on X this month:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to consult the woods about this.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,273

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Trending via Telegram:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Making waves on Twitch:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Spotted on TikTok:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Spotted on Discord:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Going viral on Threads:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Just landed via YouTube:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Spotted on Reddit:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

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