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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Trending via WeChat:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Trending via WeChat:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Going viral on WeChat:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Trending via Discord:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about resilience with a dark, witty twist on humor.

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Commentary:
Well, my sense of humor just reached supervillain status! 😂🦹‍♂️

adversity, dark, dark humor, humor, kill, resilience, sense, survival, twisted, wit

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52 shares on Twitch this month:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

37 shares on X this month:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

79 shares on Threads this month:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Showing my barber a Rorschach test, and he gives me his mother’s haircut.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Just landed via Telegram:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Trending via Snapchat:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Breaking via Discord:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

Just shared via Pinterest:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Shared recently on Discord:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Making waves on WeChat:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

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Activity Log ✨

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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