Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,728

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Going viral on TikTok:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Spreading quickly via Threads:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Just shared via YouTube:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Just shared via Messenger:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Seen just now on X:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to bribe my brain with ice cream and cat videos 😹🍦📺

around, dopamine, feel, feeling, frustration, girl, here, high, humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

0

2 months ago

early, exercising, fitness, going, humor, husband, looking, need, new, new husband, relationship, shape, start, tomorrow, wake, waking, waking up
People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

0

5 months ago

bro, finance, honesty, humor, irresponsible, joke, just, me, money, people, personal, personal finance, rich, spending, think
I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

0

2 months ago

comedian, humor, joke, pronoun, pronouns, wordplay
I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

0

2 months ago

autobiography, book, characters, creativity, dark, dark humor, humor, killing, maybe, plot, plot twist, spice, thinking, twist, writing
Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beautiful name, boy, boys, boys’ names, culture, fantasy, Frodo, humor, name, names, pop, pop culture, ring, wordplay
The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

0

2 months ago

back, borrowing, city, debt, finance, having, humor, money, move, new, new city, pay, payback, relocation, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

78 shares on X this month:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

70 shares on X this month:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

59 shares on Slack this month:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Just shared via Twitch:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Freshly posted on Discord:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Making waves on Facebook:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Trending via Discord:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨