“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

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Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

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A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

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Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

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Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”