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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

16 minutes ago

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Just shared via Threads:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Reported on Twitch:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

Just shared via Reddit:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Going viral on TikTok:

Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Just landed via Slack:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

6 months ago

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the mystical sanctuary of the shower: where reality blends with reverie! 🚿🎶💡 5% cleansing those worries away, 10% perfecting your opera skills, and a whopping 85% plotting to conquer the world… or at least deciding what's for dinner! The shower curtain knows all your secrets, right? 😉"

changing, cleaning, decision, humor, i, life, life changing, making, shower, singing, take

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

16 minutes ago

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Just landed via YouTube:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Live now on Snapchat:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Making waves on Telegram:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Going viral on YouTube:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Breaking via TikTok:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Don’t hate me, date me!

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