When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

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We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

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Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

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The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

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Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

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I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

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I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

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Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

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Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

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If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

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Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”