Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,341

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Just shared via X:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

Just shared via Slack:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Going viral on WeChat:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Live now on Reddit:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you find out that your neighbors have been decluttering, not downsizing their trash cans 😂🗑️🚗

call, everyday, everyday humor, garage, garage sale, garbage, garbage sale, humor, sale, sarcasm, why, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, dicaprio, event, genetic, genetic test, humor, leonardo, Leonardo DiCaprio, me, RSVP, test
A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

0

2 months ago

baseball, case, designated, designated hitter, drunk, everyone, hit, hitter, humor, sports, sports humor, team
If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

0

2 months ago

alert, blinky, blinky light, direction, drivers, humor, light, lights, little, traffic, turn, vehicle
Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

0

2 months ago

back, digital, digital footprint, embarrassment, footprint, God, humor, media, nostalgia, oh, online, online embarrassment, past, past posts, posts, privacy, share, social, social media, social media humor, somebody, something, sometimes, think, timeline
The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

0

4 months ago

back, confidence, empowerment, flex, humor, independence, real, relationship, run, woman
I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

0

2 months ago

attraction, falling, flirting, humor, humorist, i, ID, love, media, once, pics, playful, post, self-awareness, self-confidence, social, social media, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Slack this month:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

75 shares on Slack this month:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Breaking via X:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Going viral on Instagram:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Trending via Pinterest:

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

Spotted on Reddit:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨