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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,528

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Making waves on TikTok:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Live now on LinkedIn:

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Shared recently on X:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Breaking via YouTube:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Seen just now on Instagram:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

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Commentary:
"When they finally have a brunch together, the universe might implode from the awkward silence. 🌈🥐😅"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Had a shower and put on clean pajamas. It was a productive day.

59 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

39 shares on Slack this month:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

57 shares on Instagram this month:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,469

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Live now on Discord:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Just landed via Instagram:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Trending via Snapchat:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

Trending via WeChat:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

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