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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,383

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Just shared via Discord:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Shared recently on Pinterest:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Going viral on Instagram:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

2 months ago

0

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Willem Dafoe must have supernatural powers to play in two Nosferatu movies while we mere mortals struggle to get cast in just one! 🦇🧛‍♂️ Looks like he's bitten off more than he can chew… literally! 🤣 #HollywoodVampires"

acting, average, average person, dafoe, different, even, film, film industry, industry, movie, Nosferatu, opportunity, person, uniqueness, willem, Willem Dafoe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

0

2 months ago

avoiding, exercise, humor, i, interaction, just, know, social, someone, steps
I love my bed so much, what a place.

0

2 months ago

bed, comfort, humor, i, love, much, place, relaxation
The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

0

2 days ago

another, big, calendar, getting, humor, Jesus, joke, number, religious, religious joke, soon, time, too, year
Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

0

2 months ago

balls, bigger, comparison, confidence, everyone, humor, irony, perspective, problems
You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

0

5 months ago

bad, bad guy, comedian, double, double standard, free, good, guy, hear, humor, i, money, offensive, pay, say, something, standard
Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

0

3 weeks ago

40s, accident, activity, cardiologist, great, health, hiking, humor, i, Jesus, medical, meet, met, new, nurse, outdoor, outdoor activity, paramedic, people, three, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Reddit this month:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

97 shares on X this month:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

76 shares on Slack this month:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,466

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Just landed via Slack:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Making waves on Messenger:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Just landed via X:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Going bananas on X:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Making waves on Telegram:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

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