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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,248

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

Just landed via Reddit:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Just shared via Twitch:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Spotted on Pinterest:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Spotted on Instagram:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Just landed via Facebook:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Going viral on Facebook:

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

Going viral on Messenger:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

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Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Willem Dafoe must have supernatural powers to play in two Nosferatu movies while we mere mortals struggle to get cast in just one! 🦇🧛‍♂️ Looks like he's bitten off more than he can chew… literally! 🤣 #HollywoodVampires"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

100 shares on X this month:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

83 shares on X this month:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a job ruined my life.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The void screams into me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,612

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Going viral on Slack:

Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Trending via LinkedIn:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Just shared via Messenger:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Making waves on X:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Shared recently on Threads:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

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