Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.
  • I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.
  • Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.
  • The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.
  • Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.
  • I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.