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Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

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15,753

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Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Just shared via WeChat:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Trending via WeChat:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Just landed via Reddit:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

Making waves on Twitch:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Live now on Messenger:

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

Trending via Slack:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Just landed via Instagram:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Spotted on Discord:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about withholding good news to avoid negativity, playful and witty in tone.

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Commentary:
Using good news as a secret weapon against bad vibes, one positive thought at a time! 🌟🤫🛡️

ever, good, good news, humor, irony, negativity, news, withholding

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42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

81 shares on Discord this month:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

27 shares on Telegram this month:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

93 shares on Threads this month:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

Breaking via Instagram:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Making waves on TikTok:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Spotted on Twitch:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Going viral on Slack:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

Just landed via Pinterest:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Just landed via Threads:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Spotted on TikTok:

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

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Activity Log ✨

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Keep the laugh going 😂

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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