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Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

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The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

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There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

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Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

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I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

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All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

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If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.