You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

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I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

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I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

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It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

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I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

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I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

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Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

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The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

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I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

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Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

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You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!