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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,234

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Spotted on YouTube:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Spotted on X:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Spotted on TikTok:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Going viral on Instagram:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Making waves on X:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

2 months ago

0

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Absolutely! 😂 Oh the classic case of self-sabotage, where your vibe goes from 💃 to 🚫 in a matter of seconds just because your brain decided to hit the rewind button to a cringe-worthy memory! Remembering past mishaps is like being your own personal DJ, playing the greatest hits of awkward moments on repeat! 🤦‍♂️💥 #VibeKiller #ThrowbackTroubles

awareness, ever, humor, killed, mood, nostalgia, own, remembering, self-reflection, vibe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

0

2 months ago

day, entertainment, every, exercise, floor, humor, i, laziness, people, procrastination, relaxation, remote, right, show, TV, watching
In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

0

2 months ago

affirmation, anyone, beautiful, case, compliment, confidence, humor, self-love, today, told
They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

0

5 months ago

clarity, day, humor, invent, invention, sense, should, thinking, where, wishful, wishful thinking
Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, chip, chips, conflict, divorce, eating, humor, potato, potato chip, relationship, snack, spouse, try, TV, watch
Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

0

5 months ago

addiction, around, day, glass, humor, just, life, modern, modern life, phone, phones, screen, sit, smartphone, tapping, technology, wild
Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

0

2 months ago

artist, artists, canvas, cooking, creativity, every, expression, food, frozen, humor, needs, pizza, touch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Slack this month:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

28 shares on Discord this month:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

31 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

15 shares on Discord this month:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,618

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Going viral on Discord:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Spotted on Reddit:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Live now on Snapchat:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Just landed via Facebook:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Making waves on Twitch:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

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