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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Coffee is just goth water.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,389

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Trending via Pinterest:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

Spotted on Messenger:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Spotted on WeChat:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Spotted on WeChat:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Trending via YouTube:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

21 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
You must be the secret ingredient in the government's recipe for chaos! 🤯🧪😂

CIA, experiment, failed, humor, insult, result

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

0

2 months ago

forgetfulness, humor, joke, loss, memory, password, security
People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

0

5 months ago

bro, finance, honesty, humor, irresponsible, joke, just, me, money, people, personal, personal finance, rich, spending, think
Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

0

2 months ago

around, donuts, food, humor, people, safety, self-care, skinny, storms, weight
Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

0

2 months ago

airfryer, cause, chore, cleaning, frustration, here, household, household chore, item, kid’s room, kids, parenthood, room, unexpected, unexpected item, why
Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

0

4 months ago

attention, friend, friendship, having, hyperfixation, interest, nobody, privilege, shows, support
A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

0

6 months ago

again, back, communication, female, ghost, ghosting, relationship, text, texting, time, waiting, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Threads this month:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

28 shares on X this month:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

73 shares on X this month:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Trending via Slack:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Live now on Reddit:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Going viral on Instagram:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Going viral on Discord:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Live now on Telegram:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Shared recently on TikTok:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨