Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
Looks like those promises are going untouched, just like that leftover salad in the fridge 🥗 Don't worry, those unfulfilled promises will keep for when you're ready to devour them! 🤣 #JustPromisesThings

babe, conversation, date, expectations, humor, me, okay, promise, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

0

2 months ago

conservation, environment, gaming, GTA6, humor, restoration, satire, should, streams, wetland, work
I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

0

5 months ago

distraction, falling, falling in love, having, hobby, humor, i, love, recommend, recommendation, things
My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

0

2 months ago

asking, better, gift, give, going, headphone, headphones, humor, ignoring, me, noise-cancelling, noise-cancelling headphone, parenting, sarcasm, teen
Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, build, connect, humor, LinkedIn, media, relationship, request, social, social media, want
Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

0

2 months ago

animal, back, career, career change, change, education, fit, good, human, humor, me, octopu, opportunity, preference, school, thank
When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

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2 months ago

confidence, early, flirtation, fun, humor, leave, leave early, let, sexy, should, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not feeling very worky today.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

91 shares on Threads this month:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

57 shares on Threads this month:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

Breaking via Slack:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Live now on Reddit:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Shared recently on Discord:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Going bananas on Slack:

A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨