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Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

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An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

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Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

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How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

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Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

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Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

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Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.