Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Trending via Messenger:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Shared recently on Messenger:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Shared recently on X:

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Trending via Messenger:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Hansel and Gretel weren’t wrong, every bad decision I’ve ever made started with being hungry.

Breaking via Facebook:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Trending via Slack:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to get coal for an avant-garde stocking stuffer, huh? 🎅🧦🤨

acting, acting up, before, Christmas, claus, disbelief, holiday, mischief, right, Santa, Santa Claus, town

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

0

1 month ago

connection, contact, distraction, essential, eye, eye contact, finding, humor, meetings, person, strategy, stupid, survival, workplace
Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

0

1 month ago

alone, alone time, freedom, fun, getting, house, lottery, night, relaxation, solitude, time, winning, yourself
Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

0

2 months ago

billion, body, brain, distraction, humor, insomnia, overthinking, six, sleep, thought, time
I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

0

1 month ago

ask, buddy, day, five, frustration, hate, humor, i, know, laziness, listen, me, noon, okay, people, procrastination, time, today, waking, waking up, woke
It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

0

2 months ago

armor, disappointment, expectation, humor, just, knight, moron, relationship, shining, sucks, tinfoil, woman
Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

0

1 month ago

career, dating, humor, job, just, market, relationship, right, same, scene, stay, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

97 shares on X this month:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

87 shares on Threads this month:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

62 shares on Twitch this month:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Hobbies include being misunderstood.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

About to form my very first opinion.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Making waves on Twitch:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Seen just now on Facebook:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Just shared via Instagram:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Breaking via Facebook:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Trending via Slack:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Breaking via Slack:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Live now on YouTube:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨