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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

These aliens are taking forever.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

12 minutes ago

3,462

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Spotted on Twitch:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Spotted on Messenger:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Shared recently on Slack:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Going viral on Reddit:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Just landed via Slack:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

Breaking via Discord:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Shared recently on X:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

Reported on TikTok:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Jan 25, 2025

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷‍♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"

being, big, career, comedian, comedy, comedy career, dark, dark comedy, entertainment, failure, hit, humor, killer, much, Netflix, own, podcast, popping, serial, serial killer, special, spend, success

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

12 minutes ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Reported on Messenger:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

He took my last fry, your honor.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

Breaking via X:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Live now on Telegram:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Going viral on Facebook:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Spotted on Twitch:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

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