Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

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You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

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Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

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Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.