Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.
  • Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.
  • I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.
  • For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.
  • Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.
  • Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.