My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.