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I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

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That moment when my nose wants to file its own paperwork ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿ‘ƒ

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Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

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Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

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Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

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A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

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How about hold me as tight as youโ€™re holding onto that grudge?

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The most Iโ€™ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

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Cool times create cool guys.

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You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You canโ€™t have both.

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The only sunscreen thatโ€™s 100% effective is abstinence.

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Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?