I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

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I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

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One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

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I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

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Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

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Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

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Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

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Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

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I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

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Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

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Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.