I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.