I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

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Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

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Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

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Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

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Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

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Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

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The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.