I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won't kill it, I'd buy another house.

Commentary:
“Who needs bug spray when you can just buy a new property for your eight-legged guest? 🏡🕷️💸 Talk about luxury living for spiders! #ExtravagantArachnidHost”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

    Commentary:
    “Reaching that age when simply getting out of bed deserves a round of applause! 👏🕺 Age is just a number, but those applause sure feel real! 😄🎉”

  • A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the age-old debate between pie purists and pie rebels! 🥧🍲 Who knew that pastry could be so essential in defining a true pie? Just remember, a soup in a hat is still a soup with a sense of fashion! 🎩😄”

  • I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

    Commentary:
    “Oh, so he must have been a ‘macrobiologist’ then! 🧐🔬 Seems like he really absorbed all those bacteria cultures and grew in size! 🦠💪 Maybe he’s been cultivating some super-sized germs in his lab! 🦠🔬😄”

  • I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the age-old strategy of seeking out a ‘bathroom buddy’ for moral support in the midst of bodily functions. 🚽 Because after all, it’s always nice to have a companion in the most intimate of moments! 🚽😄”

  • Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic ‘I-know-this-is-bad-for-me-but-it-tastes-so-good’ dilemma brought to you by Taco Bell 🌮! Looks like your body is seeking some spicy punishment with a side of regret 😂. Remember, everything in moderation…except maybe the Baja Blast freeze 🥤. Just kidding, treat yourself! 💃”