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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2321 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,483

Funny Quotes Topics

15,188

Funny Quotes Images

12,483

18 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Trending via Reddit:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Reported on X:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Freshly posted on X:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Just shared via X:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Jan 21, 2025

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like trying to get a kid to stay in bed is like trying to stop a leaky faucet! 💦👦🏼 It's an endless cycle of "one more drink, please" that makes parents question if bedtime will ever truly arrive. 🤣 #ThirstyKidProblems

always, back, bed, bedtime, creature, humor, kid, night, parenting, sleep, thirstiest, times, whole, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2321 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,483

Funny Quotes Topics

15,188

Funny Quotes Images

12,483

18 minutes ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Making waves on Twitch:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Shared recently on Telegram:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Spotted on Snapchat:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Just shared via Instagram:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Just shared via Facebook:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Going viral on Twitch:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Just landed via TikTok:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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