You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

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Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

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I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

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Having a job ruined my life.

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A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

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I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

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After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

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I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

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Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

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The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

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When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.