Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

17 minutes ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

Reported on Reddit:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Just shared via Discord:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Just shared via Discord:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

Just landed via Slack:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

5 months ago

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

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Commentary:
Ah, the great mystery of aging – accumulating keys that unlock doors to unknown realms like lost treasures or secret hideouts 🗝️🚪 Who knows, maybe one day you'll stumble upon a portal to the fountain of eternal youth hidden amongst the clutter of your key ring! 🗝️🌟 Just be careful not to lock yourself out of the present in your quest for unlocking the past 😄🔓 #KeyToTheFuture #ForeverYoungKeys

aging, big, confusion, forgetfulness, growing, growing up, humor, keys, knowing, life, memory

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

17 minutes ago

3,418

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Threads:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Reported on Telegram:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Reported on Instagram:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Live now on Slack:

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Making waves on TikTok:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Trending via Slack:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

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