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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has viewed:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ has downloaded:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has downloaded:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

โ€œWhat do your tattoos mean?โ€ They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,641

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via Slack:

Bird flu? Yeah, theyโ€™re known to do that.

Freshly posted on X:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Just landed via Messenger:

My skin is so dry itโ€™s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Breaking via Twitch:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Two things I learned yesterday: Iโ€™m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but Iโ€™m too old to get out of one.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Breaking via Slack:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Trending via Facebook:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Witty text about smartphones cutting you off, playful and humorous in tone.
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Commentary:
Guess my phone's waiting for me to finish another season on Netflix before it breaks the news ๐Ÿ“ฑ๐Ÿค“๐Ÿฟ

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Social Media Stars โญ

52 shares on Slack this month:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who theyโ€™re dealing with behind the wheel.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesnโ€™t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

24 shares on Threads this month:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

62 shares on Threads this month:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while Iโ€™m camping, I wonโ€™t be covered.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Once I find a dragon, yโ€™all are toast.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,473

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ต has downloaded:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has copied:

Simplicity is so complicated.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has downloaded:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Live now on Discord:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Just landed via X:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Trending via YouTube:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Just landed via Instagram:

Men be like, โ€œI want you.โ€ Yeah, to suffer.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

We donโ€™t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Just shared via Twitch:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Just shared via Reddit:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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