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Being awake is the worst.

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The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

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Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

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Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

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Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

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Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

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The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

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Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

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Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

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Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!