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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,657

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Trending via Reddit:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Just landed via Reddit:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Going viral on Slack:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Spotted on Slack:

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Spotted on Threads:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

Clever, humorous text highlighting Apple's secret growth method involving vibe coders and developer fees.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Is that what they mean by “apps gettin’ rich quick”? 🍏💸😄

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Threads this month:

Grok, put light in her eyes.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

96 shares on X this month:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

95 shares on Slack this month:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

35 shares on X this month:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,319

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Trending via YouTube:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Just landed via Telegram:

It’s weird when you realize we are the last generation on this Earth to know what lite was like before social media.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Just shared via Twitch:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Breaking via Threads:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Going bananas on Discord:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Making waves on Messenger:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

Live now on WeChat:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

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