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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

787 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,949

Funny Quotes Topics

13,921

Funny Quotes Images

10,949

31 minutes ago

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Live now on Snapchat:

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

Reported on TikTok:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Seen just now on Threads:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Seen just now on Slack:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Trending via Slack:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Just landed via Reddit:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

6 months ago

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the glamorous perks of being single – the freedom to have midnight pizza parties in the kitchen while embracing your true chef attire! 🍕🌙 Who needs fancy dinners when you have cold pizza and the joy of uninterrupted nudity at home? Single life: where every night is a pizza party for one! 🎉🕺"

being, cold, cold pizza, eating, example, freedom, funny situation, humor, kitchen, lifestyle, naked, night, pizza, single, situation, standing, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

787 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,949

Funny Quotes Topics

13,921

Funny Quotes Images

10,949

31 minutes ago

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Live now on Reddit:

Dance like China isn’t watching.

Spotted on X:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Just landed via Instagram:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Seen just now on Reddit:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Just landed via Snapchat:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Just shared via Reddit:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

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